By Anna Katherine Clemmons
Special to FOX Sports
Maxx Crosby woke up covered in sweat. His toes were cramping from dehydration. His whole body hurt. He stood up, head spinning, and looked in the mirror.
"I don't even f------ recognize myself," he thought.
It was Feb. 28, 2020.
The 6-foot-5, 265-pound defensive end had just finished a strong rookie season with the then-Oakland Raiders, earning second place in the AP Rookie Defensive Player of the Year voting to the San Francisco 49ers' Nick Bosa. Crosby had started 10 games and played in all 16 that season, totaling a team-leading 10 sacks and 47 tackles.
But as soon as the season ended in January, Crosby started partying. He went on benders until the early morning hours, sometimes blacking out. Occasionally, he mixed in cocaine or other drugs. But it was alcohol that he craved, just to put him in a good mood to start his day.
Crosby knew his alcohol dependency wasn't "normal." He had tried to get clean before, but his sobriety didn't last.
Now, as he looked at himself in the mirror, he felt like he was at a crossroads. He pondered his options: Keep partying and likely ruin his career before it really began, or try to change — and see just how good a football player he could be.
Crosby wasn't sure he could stay clean, and he didn't even know what he needed to make that happen. But he was sure that he wanted to overcome an addiction he'd harbored since high school.
"When I decide to get my s--- together, I don't think anything can stop me," Crosby said. "If I truly believe in something, I am going to go to the end of the world to make it happen."
He called his agent. He called his former longtime girlfriend, Rachel, even though she had broken up with him two months prior.
"I need help," he told them both. "I have a problem."
Rachel was living with her parents in Florida, where Crosby had recently visited her to apologize. She flew to Las Vegas on March 9, 2020; two days later, she and Scott Gorman, a sobriety coach, drove Crosby to an in-patient rehabilitation facility in Los Angeles.
What he couldn't know then is that it would work — that he would work hard, stay clean and dominate on the field as a result.
Crosby started all 17 games for Las Vegas in the 2021 regular season, leading the NFL in QB pressures despite playing in a defense that blitzed a league-low 12.1% of the time. He became just the third player in the past 15 years to record at least 100 pressures in the regular season, joining Aaron Donald and J.J. Watt.
In February, the 24-year-old Raiders co-captain played in his first Pro Bowl, where, in front of a home crowd at Allegiant Stadium, Crosby earned Defensive MVP honors. A few weeks later, he signed a four-year, $98.98 million contract extension with Las Vegas.
"Everyone always told me what I couldn't do my whole life," Crosby said. "F--- what everyone has to say. That's how I look at it. I want to be the best. And if I'm not, I will work as hard as I can to get close to that."
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The first thing about Crosby is his first name: The two x's are not a typo. During labor and delivery, Maxx's mother, Vera, says he was stuck in the birth canal. Doctors had to break his collarbone and told Vera that she would have only a few minutes to push once they did so.
"I gave the biggest push of my life, and I remember everyone going, ‘Oh my gosh, you just gave birth to a toddler!'" Vera said.
Double-x Maxx was 11 pounds, 9 ounces.
He wasn't just big, he was strong. Maxx was born with a blocked tear duct, and doctors instructed Vera to rub his inner eye to unblock it. But nine months later, the problem persisted.
Vera took Maxx to a pediatrician, who said he'd unblock the duct with a simple procedure. A half hour later, he walked into the waiting room. "We are going to have to anesthetize him," the doctor told Vera. He and three nurses had tried to hold the baby down. But even with four of them, Maxx, who weighed 18 pounds by then, fought so hard they couldn't do the procedure with him awake.
A decade later, the Crosby family moved from LaPeer, Michigan, to Colleyville, Texas. A chubby, short kid with a shock of orange hair, Maxx was insecure and constantly worried about what others thought of him — except when he was playing sports. Football and basketball were his favorites, and he and his older brother, Myles, would spend hours practicing after school. "Football was always a release — since day one," Maxx says.
For the first three years of high school, he played middle linebacker. Then he grew four inches before his senior season, and a new coaching staff moved him to tight end and defensive end. Crosby desperately wanted to play Division I football, but he had no film at either position.
By Maxx's junior year, Myles was a 6-foot-4, 200-pound safety at SMU. Brad McCaslin, the defensive coordinator at Eastern Michigan who had recruited Myles, stopped by Maxx's high school basketball practice one day. Myles was there.
"If you put the ball in his hand, he's a natural athlete," Myles told McCaslin.
The coach invited Maxx to a football camp at EMU that June, and Vera drove him all the way from Colleyville, more than 17 hours. When Maxx arrived, he went through five hours of drills. Finally, the EMU coaches offered him a spot on the team. He and Vera stood there, crying.
"I was like, ‘Thank God,' because nobody wanted me," Maxx said. "And I wanted it so badly."
Still, Crosby waited two weeks before committing, just in case he received other offers. He never did. Looking back, he says Eastern Michigan was the best choice. If he had gone to a big Division I school, he wonders if he'd even be alive.
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Crosby discovered alcohol in high school. "The first time I had a drink, I was in love," he said. It made him confident. He could talk to girls, he could make people laugh.
He arrived at Eastern Michigan at 6-4 and only 217 pounds. "We were like, this is a problem," EMU coach Chris Creighton said. "But then he just went to work. Even as a true freshman, this guy was really hard to block. He was so long. Some of it was the way he could move his body as an athlete, but also in his mind, he knew how to move."
As a freshman, Crosby redshirted and was voted defensive scout team player of the year. In 2017, as a redshirt sophomore, he was voted first-team all-conference and team MVP. Following that season, he told his defensive line coach he planned to enter the NFL Draft.
But just before the start of spring ball, Crosby was arrested for a DUI. He was suspended one game and mandated to complete community service and daily drug testing and counseling.
He had met Rachel the year before, and they had started dating soon after. Initially, Rachel says she had "new relationship blinders" on toward his drinking. But as time passed, and his partying got progressively worse, she knew he had a problem. She called others to ask for help in talking to Maxx about it. People often responded, "but he's playing so well."
"That was really hard on me for a long time," Rachel said. "I knew if he didn't get and stay sober, that could be the demise of his football."
The DUI meant Crosby needed to stay at EMU another season — and stay clean. In 2018, he started 12 games and totaled 70 tackles, finishing the year ranked 10th nationally in forced fumbles per game and seventh in tackles-for-loss per game. He was named first team all-MAC for the second consecutive year.
And he stayed sober the entire season.
After a strong NFL Combine, Crosby was selected by the Raiders in the fourth round, 106th overall, of the 2019 draft.
"I was surprised at how athletic he was," former Raiders defensive line coach Rod Marinelli said. "He had that really good bend, and that's something you look for in a rusher. The effort was there and the ‘want to.' You could see that he really wants it."
In Oakland, there were no classes to attend, no academic advisors, no friends to help monitor his drinking. Rachel had moved to Oakland with him initially, but she broke up with him in December 2019 and moved to her parents' home in Florida. Crosby toggled between his standout rookie season and his partying, stressed and exhausted.
Until he decided he had had enough.
After calling Rachel and his agent, Crosby went on one last bender before Rachel and Gorman drove him from Las Vegas to Los Angeles on March 11, 2020. Crosby fumed the entire four-hour drive, miserable and furious. He wanted to get clean, but he didn't want to go to rehab.
"It was the best decision I ever made," he says now.
Crosby stayed at the treatment center for 30 days. No cell phones were allowed; instead, patients were given one hour a day to call friends or family on a landline. Crosby says he embraced "everything" about the rehab experience, including developing relationships with fellow attendees, one of whom he is still in touch with today. He called friends he had hurt, making amends.
"Getting clean isn't just getting sober," Crosby said. "It's cleaning up everything."
The 2020 season was Crosby's hardest. He fought to stay clean and tried to fill the gap with eating too much, not sleeping enough and playing hours of video games. He had a torn labrum in his left shoulder and had broken a titanium plate that was in his right hand from a previous injury, but he started every game anyway.
"It was a hard f------ year, but I love that that year happened," Crosby said. "I was like, ‘I am not giving up.'"
In January 2021, after the season, Crosby had shoulder and hand surgery. He then met with the Raiders' nutrition team and strength coaches at the team's Vegas facility.
"I am going to be here every single day," he told them, "so we need to lay out a plan to get me to the best physical level I can."
He cut weight and worked out relentlessly. He studied film for hours. He and Rachel had gotten back together as he entered rehab; she moved to Las Vegas to live with him and helped him stay focused, planning meals and joining him for nights out, where he drank only water.
In the Raiders' first 2021 regular-season game, Crosby exploded for a sack of Baltimore Ravens QB Lamar Jackson in the first quarter. "You could just see it from the first snap, the way he came off the line," Myles said. "I was like, ‘This year is different. He is not going to be stopped.'"
In Week 6, Crosby had three huge sacks on Denver Broncos QB Teddy Bridgewater. Raiders tight end Darren Waller watched Crosby work, describing how, on one of those sacks, he initially rushed outside, came back through the middle and exploded to take down the QB. "The way he sacked him, I was like, ‘Man, I literally thought he was going to die,'" Waller said of Bridgewater.
Waller, who has overcome his own substance abuse issues, saw that play as emblematic of the disruptor Crosby has become. "I've never seen someone with a motor every single day, playing absolutely ballistic on the field when it comes to effort."
Despite the Raiders' numerous off-field challenges in 2021, they made the playoffs for the first time since 2016. Crosby also went to his first Pro Bowl and dominated, winning defensive MVP after totaling five tackles, three pass deflections, three tackles for loss and two sacks.
And then he got right back to work. This offseason was his most regimented yet: He woke up at 5:50 a.m. every day and drove to the facility, returning home mid-afternoon armed with supplements, healthy meals and a strict hydration, nutrition and recovery plan.
"I feel like I am the hardest-working guy in the league," Crosby said. "That's how I approach every day."
On March 11, 2022, the two-year anniversary of his sobriety, Crosby signed his four-year, $98.98 million extension with the Raiders. Six days later, he stood in senior defensive assistant Rob Ryan's office, asking for a film cut-up of fellow D-ends Joey Bosa and Chandler Jones. New Raiders coach Josh McDaniels walked in.
"You're not gonna believe who we just signed," he said.
"Who?" Crosby asked.
"Chandler Jones," McDaniels replied.
"No f------ way!" Crosby yelled.
He and Jones had become friends several seasons prior, when Jones had sent Crosby a DM on Instagram, asking about a certain move he'd made. The two began swapping ideas and advice.
Now, they figure to be one of the most feared defensive-end duos in the NFL.
"Playing with someone of Maxx's caliber — his knowledge, who consistently gets to the quarterback like he does," Jones said, "I know how rare that opportunity is across the league."
Crosby has set his phone's wallpaper and lock screen as constant reminders of his goals. Last year, his lock screen was the 100 emoji with a plus symbol, because he wanted more than 100 QB pressures and a $100 million-plus contract.
This season, his lock screen is the Defensive Player of the Year trophy.
"He has a really effective outside spin move that I'm very jealous of," reigning DPOY T.J. Watt said of Crosby. "I admire the amount of hustle he plays with and the technical moves he has. He has that relentless, tenacious attitude of getting after the quarterback. We never give up on a play; we're always trying the second, third, fourth rushes."
Crosby's phone background is the gold Hall of Fame jacket. "That will be there until I get in," he said, smiling.
Maxx and Rachel got engaged in February. They're expecting their first baby, a girl, in October. He and Rachel are advocates for "Stand Up For Pits" (they own three rescues themselves), and he started his own "Blue Wire" video podcast in 2022.
Through it all, he is determined to stay clean. Crosby attends weekly AA meetings on Zoom and does not shy away from talking about his journey, whether on podcasts, through social media programs like the Reframe app or in conversations with fans.
"He is impacting and influencing an unknown number of people," EMU's Creighton said. "It's one thing to sack QBs and get pressures. But he is literally helping people with their lives."
Crosby can be pensive and thoughtful, sharing messages such as "Be Yourself ... Everybody Else is Already Taken." He can also be a jokester, like when he filmed Jones sleeping at the team facility for an Instagram story (and then woke him up). He loves UFC fights, tattoos and cars. He is completely content hanging out at home with Rachel and their dogs. And he can't wait to be a dad.
Sobriety, he says, has made it all possible.
"The plays and all that s---, going to a Pro Bowl, that's amazing, but doing this s--- every day when I don't have to?" Crosby said, referring to his sobriety. "That's what I am most proud of."
He is only 24, but others often tell him he's an old soul. Except, that is, when he's on the field. After he makes a big play, Crosby will jump, dance, fist pump and hype the crowd.
"I am an entertainer on the field," he said. "I want people thinking, ‘Holy s---, he is having a f------ blast out there.' But I am really working my ass off."
So much so that the Raiders' strength staff has had to encourage him to slow down, take a day off — or even an hour. His relentless, zealous approach has made him a fan favorite (Las Vegas artist Dean Huck painted an entire garage door mural of Crosby). "Mad Maxx" is often stopped for photos and autographs when out in Vegas, and his No. 98 jersey is one of the most popular sellers for the Raiders. He loves it all. Though reserved when he first meets someone, he is more than happy to engage with fans.
He particularly focuses on advice that Marinelli shared with him before the longtime NFL coach retired: to hold on to his "child-like love" for the game.
"There is no better feeling than making a big play or dominating a grown-ass man in front of you for four quarters," Crosby said. "My love for the game keeps growing, because I am putting in so much work on my skill, body and mind.
"Now that I am all there and present and get to truly enjoy how it feels to be a great player, it's incredible. I love every moment of it."
Anna Katherine Clemmons is a national freelance writer and an assistant professor in the Department of Media Studies at the University of Virginia.